Monday, June 15, 2015

My journey to overcoming my sugar addiction

  Those of you who know me well, know that I LOVE sweets.  Anything sweet.  Not bad in of it self, but I am addicted to sugar and it is starting to show in every area of me life.  I have tried several times to get off of sugar and I do well for awhile but I always fall back into it. 

So I decided that I would go public with it, and share my struggles to overcome it, each and hopefully you all would share your encouragement and tips and give me a kick in the behind if I start falling back into it.

Tomorrow, June 16th, 2015, is day one of my journey.  I will get on here tomorrow after I get the kids to bed and share how the day went.

Your prayers and encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Five years ago today my world changed

    January 18, 2010 is in my memory and heart forever.  It was one of the hardest days I have ever had.  Such pain physically and emotionally.  Though the emotional pain was MUCH worse.  The physical pain only last a little, the emotional pain, it is still there. But yet it was through this pain that God taught me so much.  I have more compassion, I am not as quick to judge people and their actions.  You are probably wondering what happened on this day.

   I had a miscarriage.  I was 10 weeks along and had been bleeding off and on for a week straight.  It was emotionally wearing because I had no idea what was going on.  Was I going to lose the baby, or was the pregnancy going to continue and we would be blessed with the baby? 

   That morning the bleeding was heavier and I "knew" it was going to happen.  I did not say anything to anyone about it, because it hurt too much.  I did not personally know any one who had had one and I did not think any one would understand my pain. (I had told them I started bleeding, just not that it was worse that day).  Thankfully, my dear sister, Alicia was able to be at our house and take care of the children.

   It was about 5 o'clock and I went into the bathroom, phone in hand, because I knew it was happening soon.  And I wasn't wrong.  It happened, and there I saw "my baby", so tiny, but yet starting to form.  I stared at it and sobbed.  Why did this happen?  What did I do to make it this baby die?  Feeling sorry that this baby never had a chance to live and know that it was loved and wanted even though we hadn't planned for it.  But yet there was a peace and joy knowing that my baby was in heaven with Jesus, and that it would NEVER know pain or sorrow.  As much as I ached to hold that baby in my arms like I did my other children, I knew that this child was in the arms of Jesus.  He/she could not be in a better place.

   I called my midwife, and she prayed with me, and just listened to me cry. (The joy of having a Christian midwife).  Then I called Josiah at work and told him what had happened, and that I wanted him to come home and hold me so I could cry.  He did that, he did not have anything to say, but just having him there, was what I needed.  He did not experience the emotional pain that I was, but yet I was in pain and he was there to comfort me and help me through it.  Thank you, babe!

  I did call a few people and tell them, and then just spent the next week at home loving the children that God had given to me, like I never had before.  I could not bear to go out and face people.  I felt like I had let them down, (no one said or did anything to make me feel that way), I just think that is how all women feel after a miscarriage.

  I finally got tired of being at home and told Josiah that I needed to go out.  I did and at first it was fine, but before I got home I had a horrible headache, and wished that I had stayed home.

   Time went by and the pain was still there, but it got easier to go out,  and three months later I found out I was pregnant again.  And I was SOOO excited!  God gave me a peace unlike any other through that whole pregnancy.  I never once worried that I was going to have another miscarriage.  It was my best pregnancy emotionally, and I know it was God that did that for me.

  I still feel a sense of loss, and often when all the kids are in the room, I still feel like there is one missing.  My angel.  A child that I never got to know, but a child nonetheless!

  My heart breaks every time I hear that some has had a miscarriage because I know the pain that they are going through,  I just want to go up to them and hug them and cry with them.  Let them know that I understand, that God understands and that they will someday see that child again if they are saved.  If they are not saved, it is always heavy on my heart and I pray that they may come to know Christ so that some day they may see their child again.

  I could go on and on, but this post is already too long! 

  Just had to share what was on my heart today.  My prayer is that this may bless someone who is going through a miscarriage, or has in the past.

   Remember God is there, and I pray you feel His presence!!

Monday, October 6, 2014

Five Minute Post--Monday's at our house

  Monday's at our house are rough and I am not sure why.  Seems like the kids are grumpy and don't want to do school.  They would love it if I turned on some movies and let them watch them all day.  But I don't want them to do that.
  The house is usually a big mess because I don't like to do a lot of work on the weekends because the kids don't have to do school, so I try and do something fun with them or take them some where fun and where I can relax a little bit.  Seems like I usually end up going out to my family's place.  Maybe that is why we all struggle with having the right attitudes on Monday's.  I know I cannot function very well in a messy cluttered house.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Five Minute Post--Bible Verses that are especially precious to me.

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. Trust ye in the Lord for ever: for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength:  (Isaiah 26:3, 4).

Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. (Psalm 37:4).

The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms: and he shall thrust out the enemy from before thee; and shall say, Destroy them.  (Deut. 33:27)

Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee. (Deut. 31:6).

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Five Minute Post--My children

  I have four precious children and each one of them is so different, but yet alike,

  Ivan, my first born, is 7 years old.  He is in second grade.  He is very energetic.  He is the life of the house.  He is rough, but underneath his rough skin is a gentle tender heart.

  Ursula, my only girl, is 6 years old now.  Seems just like yesterday she came into this world in a hurry.  She has the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen.  She has a very tender heart and loves helping me in the kitchen.  She is also a tom-boy AND daddy's little princess.

  Carl, my third child, is 3 1/2.  He is quite the character.  He was the easiest as a baby, but probably the hardest as a toddler.  He is stubborn, but the smiliest little boy you can find.

  Miles, my baby, is 10 months old.  He brings so much joy into all of our lives.  I often say that I think that God knew I would need a baby while Josiah was deployed and so he sent Miles just at the perfect time.

Friday, October 3, 2014

Five Minute Post---Just a day at our house

I woke up this morning and it was 9.  The 3 oldest children were up and eating and Carl had gotten dressed.  Now I almost never sleep that late, but I was up half the night with Miles, just like I had been the previous two nights.

A couple of young ladies came and blessed us by going through the children's clothes and then cleaning my house and watching the children so I could take a bath and a much needed nap

This evening Ivan and Carl were playing and Carl's head hit the floor very hard and when I went out to take care of him, he threw up all over me and himself.  Great!  My first thought was that he had a concussion.  Called and talked to a nurse and she said just to keep an eye on him.  While I was on the phone with the nurse Carl and Miles were both screaming and poor Miles was keep trying to follow me around.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

God Is Good (part 1)

  It is easy to say that God is good when he blesses you and things are going well for you.  Not so easy when things are hard. You know it in your head, but it is hard to feel it.  Since we got word that Josiah was getting deployed, I really struggled with it.  Wondering why he was getting deployed and I was going to be left back at home with 4 small children.  Plus everything that he would normally do around the house.  I was overwhelmed.  I spent much time crying out to God and begging for his help because the task ahead of me seemed impossible.  I was not really struggling with the fact that I would have to take care of everything, but the fact that he was going to be gone.  I was going to be ALONE.  I was going to be away from the man that I loved and felt like I NEEDED. 
  The first couple of weeks were very uneventful.  He got 4 days of leave and got to come home.  I tried not to think about having to say good bye.  The time finally came.  It was one of the hardest things I had to do.  But I knew that he was going to be getting another leave before he finally went overseas.

  The next week sickness hit our house and Miles got very sick.  He was not sleeping at night or day for that matter.  And all he did was cry.  I spent all my time taking care of him.  I could not even talk to my sweetheart on the phone because of him (Miles) crying.  That really frustrated me.  I NEEDED to talk to my man, but couldn't.  I was worried about Miles and took him to the doctor and they said that he just had a virus and sent me home.  But I knew there had to be something wrong.  And so I waited for 4 more days and he (and I) were not getting any sleep and he was not getting any better.  I finally took him to the ER one morning and sure enough he had an ear infection and possibly the  beginning of pneumonia.  He got medicine and within a day he was starting to get better.  You moms out there know the feeling of helplessness when one of your children are in pain and you cannot make it better.  You also know the feeling when your child gets better.  I felt a load off my shoulders.  It was hard going through all this with out my man.  I was tired (beyond tired) and worn out emotionally.  But the love of God's people shone and I was showered with help and meals for the week and things slowly got better. 

  The next weeks went by pretty uneventfully.  I was excited because I was going to be flying down to Texas to see my man again.  The time finally came and we had a wonderful few days together.  But then came the dreading parting.  It seemed harder this time because I was flying home alone and in a little while he was going to be flying far away.