It seems sometimes that life is rather boring, but not ours lately.
First it was our vehicles getting totalled and having to take care of all that. Then Josiah had to work on the furnace to get it going. Then it was my washer and dryer and yesterday they got fixed after being broken for a month, but then the furnace stopped working again. I was talking about this to Josiah, and he said at least we have the money right now (insurance money from the vehicles).
I keep asking why. I try to not let it stress me out, but sometimes I just do. Right now it is especially hard with the baby coming any day. I am emotional beyond measure. I might not show it to people, but on the inside I just cry. I just want to relax and have this baby and enjoy some time with my family before Josiah has to leave for a year.
This morning as soon as I woke up I took the time to lay in bed and thank God for everything that I do have. It did help me feel better. I know I have SO much, but when life comes at you full force sometimes it is hard to see the good. But I know God is in control and I want to rest in that. God knows I am tired and weary and just want to have this baby. He knows we live in a cold climate. He knows everything about my family and He cares and is watching over us.
I am going to go to church this morning and let Him minister to my every need. I know that I will be encouraged and strengthened by hearing His word preached and by being with my brothers and sisters in Christ.
Must run and get ready for church. Thanks for listening.
Last Saturday Ursula and I were invited to a tea party and the girl that invited us told me to bring a verse that was special to me. Isaiah 26:3 and 4 immediately came to mind.
They say, "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee, because he trusteth in thee. Trust ye in the Lord for ever: for in the Lord JEHOVAH is everlasting strength."
I have really needed to rely on the Lord for his strength this last month. It seems like there is so MUCH going on and I look at it all and I feel overwhelmed.
I am going to just write a list of what makes me feel overwhelmed and then after will write what I am thankful for in situation.
What causes me to feel overwhelmed:
I think being almost 9 months pregnant makes everything feel harder. I feel SO tired and ready to be done. My body hurts and it is hard to move, but yet I am so in love with the little one in me that I would not trade being pregnant for anything in this world. So ready to meet this precious gift that God has given to my sweet heart and I.
Right now both my washer and dryer are down and the piles of laundry make my house feel so cluttered and messy, and I do not have the energy to take the kids down to the laundromat to do it. I am thankful for a kind mom who while she watched Ivan and Carl the other day, took my laundry and washed and dried it for me. It was a huge weight lifted off of me. (But you know laundry is a never ending task with 3 little kids in the house!)
I think the biggest thing that makes me feel overwhelmed is the thought of Josiah deploying next spring for a year. I cry whenever I think about it. I know God will be with me and I have a wonderful church family and family here with me, but I still feel overwhelmed thinking that I am going to have the total responsibility of four children and the whole house, and plus my man being across the world and some where there are people who do not like Americans. It is something that I do not know how I will do, but those Bible verses at the beginning bring hope and strength and I know that God will give his grace and strength when the time comes. He is faithful and I KNOW he will be keep his promises. His mercies are new every morning. I will take one day at a time. He knows what he is doing. He allowed it and he will be there and not fail.
I would like to do a list of what I am thankful for.
First of all I am thankful that I have a Savior that I can trust and one who has taken all my sin and forgives me when I fail.
I am thankful for my most precious treasure of a husband. I am SO blessed to have a man that loves me even though I fail so often. I am often in tears thinking about how much he loves me when I am unlovely. He is always there to listen to me (he might not have much to say, but at least he listens). He works SO hard to make sure we are well taken care of and is the best father in the world. My heart melts watching him play with and teach the children. I love you, sweetheart!!
I am thankful for my three children:
Ivan, whose energy is boundless and who thinks up of the craziest things. I love his beautiful eyes and the twinkle that is in them. I pray that God gives us the wisdom and help to direct his little heart to Him.
Ursula, whose blue eyes and blond hair make her look like a little angel. Her heart is SO tender and she loves to please people. She loves learning and always wants to help. She is indeed our little princess and I pray that someday soon she gives her heart to Jesus.
Carl, who is a typical 2 year old. He keeps me on my toes, but he also to cuddle with mommy and shower me with kisses. He is growing up way too fast. He doesn't talk a lot, and likes to play by himself. He has been my baby for almost 3 years. Just hope the new baby won't make him too jealous.
For my parents and Josiah's parents. You all have been there in time of need and helped more than words can say. For Josiah's parents: You raised a wonderful son who is now my husband and I LOVE the character that was instilled in him. He makes me a wonderful husband and our children a wonderful father. For my parents: Thank you for teaching me to work hard and for raising me in a Christian home. Thank you for loving my husband and children. It means the world to me to have your love and support.
For my wonderful church family. God has blessed us with a wonderful group of people to fellowship with and to have as friends. Their standing behind us in the harder times shows their true love for the Lord and his people. Thank you everyone at Lake Tomahawk Bible Church!
The past week has been one busy week. We went to Keith Daniel meetings every night this weekend, which meant the kids did not get to sleep until way later than their normal time, which is making them pretty crabby and tired this week. Trying to get school done has been very trying. They are having a hard time concentrating, and then I have been tired, so I have a hard time concentrating on helping them.
Then early Sunday morning we get a knock on our door from the cops telling us that our vehicles parked on the street had been hit. Turns out someone hit Josiah's truck going fast enough that it made the truck crash into the back of the van. (They left the scene). The van was totalled, and Josiah's poor truck will need a bit of work.
Josiah's best friend, Ben, left his truck here while he is going to training to be in the Navy, so Josiah has been using that to get to work.
We got a call on Sunday night from the PD saying they found the guy and he did have insurance, for which we were very thankful.
God has been good to us through all this. We are SO thankful that NO one was injured and that it was just stuff (important stuff) that was lost. We still have each other and our children.
Other happenings around here. The kids got colds and poor Carl has not slept well the last two nights. On Tuesday night he woke up and could not breathe. I ended up taking him outside and he finally relaxed enough to catch his breath. He seemed somewhat better yesterday, but last night he woke up every 10 to 15 minutes and I had to pat him back to sleep. So I am wiped out.
Josiah's sister Lydia, and her husband surprised us with a visit. She came over for a few hours yesterday and hung it. It was very fun, especially getting to see our niece, Jubilee.
I am 34 weeks pregnant today. I cannot believe that I only have 6 weeks left if I go to my due date, and only 4 1/2 to 5 weeks left if this baby comes early like the others did. So exciting, but yet scary. I do not feel prepared, but I am anxious because at this point I am very uncomfortable and tired. We cannot wait to meet this little guy/gal. We have finally come up with a boys name so I feel much better in that area.
Well, enough of my rambling.
Before I was a mom I often heard about how strong a mother's love was and that there wasn't anything a mother would not to protect her child. But, of course, not being a mom, I did not understand it. It wasn't until I was pregnant with Ivan and I had this dream that I was being attacked and my only thought was protecting him. Do anything to me, but don't touch my baby! Ever since then I have experienced it many times. Whether one of my children is being yelled at by a another child or if they are physically being hurt, I feel it rising in my and I just want to run and "save" them. I have learned it is not always the best thing to do. A child needs to learn the reality of this harsh world, if they are to survive in it. But they also need a mother's love. When one of my children is suffering, I always wish I could take the suffering for them. I HATE to see them in pain. There really isn't anything I wouldn't do to save my children from physical, emotional and spiritual harm.
Another thing that being a mom has taught me is how much God really loves me. I have being insecure my whole life. When I would do something wrong, I would immediately think that my parents or friends didn't love me anymore, and I would try to "buy" their forgiveness by dong something for them. I now know that it wasn't that way. Once I became a mom, it totally changed. When one of my children do wrong, I need to punish them, but I still love them and nothing will ever change that. I am not happy when they choose to do wrong and it hurts me more than words can say, but I still love them. God is the same way, and I have experienced Him in a new way. I do not feel like I need to be perfect anymore ( I cannot be anyway). I can be myself, a sinner saved by the grace of God. He forgives me every time I sin (which is SO much). I thank God that I can be happy and not fret about my sin. I LOVE the verses that say, "The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy. He will not always chide: neither will he keep hisanger for ever. He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him. As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us. Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him." (Psalm 103:8-13).
Well, here it is the beginning of September and I am writing for the first time this year!!
Life has been crazy here. Josiah had a bit of training this summer with the National Guard and now I have started school with Ivan and Ursula. They are both doing 1st grade, and are doing very well. It is amazing how much they have learned in the little time that we have been doing it. I LOVE watching them learn and I LOVE being their teacher. Ursula learned how to spell and write her own name today and she was excited beyond words. It was WONDERFUL!!
Josiah and I celebrated our 7th anniversary this year. I cannot believe that it was that long ago. But it has gone fast and I love and respect him more now then ever. It is hard when he has to go away for training. I keep thinking that it will get easier, but it hasn't.
I am 28 weeks pregnant with our fourth child. This pregnancy has gone by faster. I guess I have so much to keep me busy with my other children, my husband and my household. But I love them all and we all cannot wait to meet this little one. The kids love kissing my belly and feeling the baby move. This baby has been up in my ribs more then the other ones which makes for a bit of discomfort. I have been seeing the same midwife that we used with the other three and so far things have been going well. I have been dealing with some other issues that aren't related to the pregnancy, but baby seems healthy. Moves a lot and is definitely growing!! :)
I have been busy trying to get some meals and other foods in the freezer for when the baby comes because I know how hectic things can be with a new baby around. I have always had some one come for a couple weeks after I have a baby, but haven't found any one yet, so I want to be prepared. If you all could keep that in your prayers, I would appreciate it. I would really like a young Christian girl to come and help for the first few weeks afterwards. It would just be a huge blessing and a burden off my shoulders.
God has been ever faithful to us in all our ups and downs. There have been times that I did not know how or what to do and so I would just have to lay it and his feet and say, "not my will, but yours be done. You know what I want, but you also know what I can handle. Do what is best."